Your work is filled with beautiful expression. What does beauty mean to you?
Beauty means so much at every level. Beauty is care, it is love, it is effort. Beauty is meaning because only then can it touch someone. Your definition of beauty will always change. Because you are always changing.

What would you say is your purpose?

If I can create something that fills a person with an urge to realize something powerful within themselves, and that in turn becomes a catalyst towards positive action in their life, then I would say that I am living my purpose.

How did you find your start?

I started reading design blogs in April 2007 and was blown away. I completely resonated with what these bloggers were experiencing – but they were all abroad. Till then, writing and design had been my two separate passions. My friend suggested that I bring the two together. My first thought was that I didn’t know enough to write about design. But I had folders and folders of these pictures I would take with a point and shoot camera. When I sat back and looked, I realized I could do this. I started my own blog in August 2007. Once I started, there was no stopping.

What makes blogging so motivating? 

Blogging is an unselfconscious expression. It has put me authentically in touch with people across the world. I am proud of the connections I have made. I once traveled to Kohima, Nagaland to meet Ritika Mittal. I HAD to meet this girl who dares to follow her dreams and leave her urban life to work with weavers in villages, hours away from electricity. And there was no way I was not meeting Dithi Mukherjee whose work I saw growing into this towering, smoldering burst of beauty. I had to meet her in the place that inspired her art and passion. Every day, I was exposed to people quitting corporate jobs to follow their passions, regardless of their financial or homemaking backgrounds.

Their stories didn’t allow me to remain the person I was. They are the bridges to what I will do. My torches. I see their struggles up close and I know I am not alone in mine. Their courage and their bravery brought me to a spot where I did what I did. Because the penny drops when you do. The action is what changes things.

What inspired you to make the products that you make? 

There’s this quote about how things should either be beautiful or useful, or they should not be in your home. Everything in my house is there for a reason. Except for this one tray that a friend bought me from a store that I liked. Every time I looked at that tray, I’d get annoyed because it was so randomly done. I told myself, “If this bothers you so much, why not pick up that tray and do it the way you would want it done?” So I painted it and showed my friends. One of them asked whether I would take a stall in their exhibition. It was one-and-a-half months away but before I knew it, I heard myself saying yes. And then I had to fill that stall with stuff! Hand painting was absolutely not an option because that takes time. I only had after-office hours and weekends to prepare. I had once tried my hand at decoupage on a small bookshelf at home and figured this could be a solution. Of course, the decoupage is just one medium. I tend to create things that I wish to own but have no way of laying my hands on. 

And so your passion became your profession…

From advertising to designing independently – the shift happened after a lot of yearning, but very serendipitously. Within two months of my first exhibition, I knew I had an alternative career. Though my blog was sacred and I didn’t know whether my product made the cut, I blogged about it because it was my truth and my experience. My office friends and readers suggested that I post on Facebook. Back then, posting felt like self-promotion but I did so on their insistence. There was no looking back. Stores got in touch. Within four months, I quit doing this full time. I wasn’t really sure what ‘this’ meant. People called me for interior design projects, photography projects, advertising freelance. I was blogging, traveling and growing my décor accessories business in baby steps. I couldn’t get over the fact that there was a market for what I was doing. It’s been a miraculous journey.

That’s brave!

I had no yardsticks. Every day I would find myself in places where I had no clue what to do. Paying a full-time employee was not an option so I did everything myself – creating products, shooting and styling them, blogging and posting, contacting vendors for new product development, keeping an eye on the stock sheet, managing part-time employees and orders, choosing trade shows.

To this day, this being an entrepreneur business is so… humbling is not the word, it can be crushing. It is not for the faint of heart. Every day you need to be brave.

What was the learning curve like?

Steep. Always. My accountant told me to get an office first thing. Otherwise, I would be in my comfort zone at home and I’d take it too easy. I was used to working in a huge corporate office in a skyscraper. My current office isn’t fancy at all. I need to be clear about where I spend each penny. A lot of being an entrepreneur is unglamorous. You and only you are accountable for the quality of your products, your quality of life, your happiness, employee happiness, and how much money you make and how much you pay. The luxury of pretending otherwise is not a choice anymore.

How does it feel to be a design entrepreneur today?

The business has been steadily growing and it is something I want to acknowledge myself for. I am still an artist and I struggle with becoming a business person. Being brought up as a South Indian who comes from an academic background, the strengths I have are different than the strengths required. My closest friends are still of the opinion that I should only design. But for me to have the freedom to design on my own terms means I need to sell enough and more to keep this business going. It is the ask for expressing my creative voice, to not have my pace dictated, to not be questioned. To find a balance between design and entrepreneurship is so important. The two voices need to go together.

How do you know which voice to listen to?

I sell a luxury product – a non-essential. I understand that in growing a business, there is inventory, there are rentals, overheads, salary. The business reaches an upward trajectory, then dips and rises again. When it dips, questioning my artistic integrity is probably not what I should be doing all the time. And yet, it might make every sense to do that. I always need to keep coming back to the question, “Am I being true to myself?”

What does it mean to be true to yourself?

In the beginning, I was probably the only one making my product in India. Then the big players came. None of us are creating anything new but it is important to not let that suck your energy.Your answer lies with your authenticity. What you do comes from your own interpretation. I always ask whether it is important to do new things. I really think doing work that has personal meaning will save me every time.

Is it hard to stay on track?

About two years back, my health took a turn. I was traveling, packing a lot into my day, really having a ball. Yet I fell ill. I asked myself, “What led to that burnout?” I am from an Ayurvedic family and my uncle who has been my only doctor put me on bed rest. He tried to tell me to switch off and rest at every level. This was when I was building my online store. Even when I was on the mend, my eyes would ache but I was impatient in my head and in my heart. I could not accept what was happening at a physical level. The time was not right but I refused to realize that the time is never right to fall ill.

It seems that you are very critical of yourself.

I have always anticipated criticism by criticizing myself. When I was younger, my uncle said to me, “Don’t think because you can think.” When you use your ability to judge and weigh yourself from many points of view, you are doing yourself a disservice.

Everything right that I have done in my life, I have done in a sweeping love that has sailed me through. When I was so excited that I was not really thinking but instead, doing things out of that joy, that buoyancy.

Where do you get your strength?

These dips are when you need to keep your feet on the ground. To know when to draw the line with questioning yourself. My big support system is reiki. I started my process in 2008 and my teacher Prasad Karmarkar remains the single most inspiring factor in my life. I also derive strength from my uncle, who is an Ayurvedic physician. What he does and who he is, I can never separate the two. He and my teacher are my biggest examples of integrity. 

How do you know when you’re successful?

You always have your yardsticks – “This is what I should be doing, how much I should be producing, how prolific I should be. Is what I’m creating relevant, is it beautiful, is it useful?” It is detrimental to judge yourself like that. We are conditioned to always look for external results. But validation also comes when you are doing things. Like when I create a piece, I revel in it. I am peaceful. That for me is a success. There is also a phase when things are quiet. When you are not visibly doing but things are growing in you all the time. 

What’s this quiet phase like?

When you pour things into yourself, let those things simmer and cook, and marinate. Only then will you be who you are meant to be. You are not meant to be this presented dish ready to be consumed all the time. So during that process when the world is not seeing you when you are simmering and cooking and becoming who you are meant to be, that’s when you must never say, “Show me what you did today. You wasted today.”

That’s a beautiful thought!

Do you know Rainer Maria Rilke, the German poet? He has taken care of me from across the centuries. I always go back to his quote that says you’ve got to live with your questions and then you live into the answers. He is the first artist who told me that you need to be patient, that you need to be gentle with yourself.

To be gentle means seeing things as a whole. To not be caught up in a particular point in time. To be gentle, you really need to have faith. Because you need to keep those insecurities at bay. Tell yourself that you will be taken care of. You are good… but give yourself peace today.That is so important in a creative person’s journey. I feel only the strong and wise can truly be gentle. And being gentle to myself is something I’m learning every day.

Source : https://www.theleelacollective.com/vineeta-nair

This is my ode for woman’s day. A day when I choose to share my journey through the past two years.

I invited death!!

It’s been a battle for me from last year……..I chose to move from one space to another……..physically and spiritually, from the materialist world to a world of just being, to a world of surrender, to the world where I could contribute all my talent and experience in the space of spirituality.

The spiritual world was no longer like going to the Himalayas and being in deep meditation, the context has changed, the perception has become different, those in the materialistic world, deeply in the throes of relationships and corporations envisaged to dip themselves in the sea of spirituality and cleanse and move continuously. This is where I saw myself contributing……..The move was disaster…….did not work…….but the resilience and support that the universe provided to me helped me spring back to the so-called materialistic world but now I was armed with the experience and strength had kept me spiritual within.

But now I enjoyed the world that I earlier came from with a renewed visual appeal. Many feelings like those of restlessness, agitation, anger, desperation …….were mostly gone……..I did not feel them so much actively. I have become more tolerant, loving, forgiving and calm.This was at an internal level.

But at a physical level, there was so much turmoil; the body was reacting violently to all that had happened in my life.

I was in and out of hospital like going into my bedroom. This year saw me at the hospital nearly 8 times……..

The problems were never-ending linking from one to another if one part was taken care of the other screamed, and then another and so on…..

I encountered problems that made me study anatomy I was looking up books and the web on how the intestines functioned, looked, what could happen to them, was the stomach singing a song of joy or anguish…… I wondered how god had created all this, so per functionary, yet amazingly fantastic.

then on Christmas Day, I crashed at my dearest friend Kanchana’s house, I had to be hospitalized, my docs were in a panic, I was moved into surgery the next evening, at 4.30 pm to be precise…….

“She is on the brink” anything can happen said the doctor to my one and only family member my maasi (aunty).

My friends and my aunty were completely shocked and prayed for me……..

I managed to survive…….the docs put in their 200%, but in a manner that hit me psychologically.

My intestine would be placed in a bag under my skin and only my small intestines would do the work of digestion, what on earth was this? I had never heard of anything like that before. 6 days and out of the ICU I was had a counseling session by a psychiatrist, who held my hand and took me through all my bouts of depression, sadness, the why me syndrome, crying and sobbing unstoppably.

All this was prevalent for a month or so….and then one day while I was lying on my bed I remembered, had I not been saying all the time ‘now I am ready to die, anytime, I have nothing left to do’. Here it was, this experience was to teach me a lesson, life is a gift of God and we must respect it, cherish it, enjoy it, savor everything in it. I got the message loud and clear……..NEVER WILL I SAY THIS…..I WILL LIVE AS LONG AS I AM MEANT TO BE.More on how I managed this whole colostomy and learned to live with it…………..soon

The colostomy story:

Like they say life must go on, I had to accept the situation and live. Live not a morose and sad life but thank god for giving this life back to me and be a happy and evolved person.I set a target for myself self I had to get back to work, accept this physical condition and cope with it.

I had all the support I needed, all my reiki friends and group were constantly supporting me, my reiki master Prasad Karmarkar was is and will be forever the strongest support of my life. He has taken me through all this so smoothly, I couldn’t have done it without him and the entire reiki group.oh, my dearest friend abhijit…….he stood by me too.And can I ever forget the rock-like support from Kanchana my soul mate and RK, my ex-husband?

Every friend of mine Suma/Mangala/Narsimhan/Jaya/Vani/Aru all of them were there for me, while one would send me juice the other would send me food, someone sent me books to read, they all came by in turns and sat with me at the hospital and home.

Of course my messiahs Dr. Anindita and Dr. Chandan.

All these people were my messengers of god.

Love you all

While support from my contacts was huge, the company I worked for stepped in and amply took care of me financially and mentally. Ravi gave me the support of a job that waited for me. Starcom held my hand constantly. My respects to you guys.

All this happened in Jan and Feb. 08. I had decided I will start working in march…….my docs asked me if I would be able to, I had not even stepped out of my house as yet, I will do that soon …..

Within a week I went down in my apartment garden for short walks, was a tough cookie to crack. It felt like the whole world was going round and I felt giddy. My aunt helped me and both of us walked like little kids who had just learned to walk 

March 1st was a Saturday, I had to start work on Monday…….my wounds had not healed completely, my whole abdomen was full of plasters and dressing, how could I go to office, what if the dressing gave trouble, what if the intestinal bag gave trouble, how would I manage all this, what should I wear? I could not wear the clothes I used earlier; I needed something loose on the abdomen. Oh god! I did not think about this one at all…….

Quick Usha comes on be creative and think of some options, I just hopped into the car and went to Fab India, picked up some fabulous, bright-colored gera skirts, some nice tops and there I was all set to go to the office.

The plasters and dressing and bag and all of that will behave, I requested for reiki from everyone.I spoke to Kanchana on Sunday and asked her if I should postpone my joining to a week later, she was furious, NO u must go tomorrow to work, even if it is for a couple of hours. Fine I will go I decided.

MARCH 3 – 8.30 AM I left home in the comforts of my Honda city. I was fully equipped, a kit bag full of cotton, plasters, tapes, Neutrogena hand wash, and so many things…….food that I could digest easily……biscuits/dry fruits/apple/ I was not only equipped I was virtually armed.Guys I MADE IT………..I HUNG ON TILL 4 PM.

Everything behaved and I was fine.

I started working full time from Wednesday the same week!!!!!!!!!!!I loved my self and everyone around me…….I loved Starcom……I loved Prasad Karmarkar……………I just love!

The Journey from here on…………………..will follow

continuation to my personal experience blogs, I am right now in a waiting phase, my reverse surgery has to happen, it was supposed to be done in June, my dear Dr. Chandan felt it would be better and easier for him and me if I took a precautionary dose of Lupron that basically dries up or reduces the size of the uterus and adhesions (growths) , then it will be easier for them to remove them and reverse the colostomy…….oh wow I am actually becoming quite a knowledgeable person on all this. The net is a boon to mankind, there is so much info, educative but sometimes can psyche a person with the kind of info and experiences that are vividly and very lucidly written.

Nevertheless……instead of psyching u out the simple message is I had to take this injection and wait for 2 months before I went on the surgery table. So I am in waiting…………………….

But in this time when I can’t shop for saris, stitch new salwars and kurtas or even spend long hours on the weekend at the beauty parlor/spa, which I used to enjoy so very much, I have to equip myself and yet be happy ……………..what to do?

Well, Books, TV, computers, walks and bit of gym, cooking, housekeeping, etc kept me equipped also kept my mood swings and depressions (due to the medication) in check and control.

But you know what two things that I am enjoying a great deal are: MOVIES AT MULTIPLEXES AND BLOGGING.

I am at the multiplex every weekend and watching the wonderful releases every week, sarkar raj, Jodha Akbar, Aamir, Jaane Tu, kismet connection……… it’s simply fantastic. lots of popcorn and chats and of course new stars and great acting / fantastic music all of this is making my heart so full of joy.

Blogging ka toh main kya kahoon, it feels so great to put down one’s thoughts, whether it’s about something at home/office/friends/relatives/or in one’s own heart. I have been getting encouraging comments and views from a lot of my friends. like my super boss, Ravikiran said…some write for others to read and some write for themselves you choose……I am writing because it’s making me happy, helping me spend my time so creatively, who knows sometime later this might just be very interesting reading for my self, glancing through what I felt at different times.oh god, another dude who makes me feel so happy is Salman khan with his 10 ka dum……..the program is rocking, nothing intellectual or mind racking, it’s just like some commonsense or gut feel kind of content, and the way sallu interacts with the contestants and the audience is worth commending. Rock on Sallu……aaj ke liye jab main bahut depressed ho Sakti thi aap ne bachaliya….

What would i have done without Hrithik and ash’s pristine romance , Rahman’s soul-stirring Khwaja mere Khwaja, govarikars fantastic expansive visuals, imraans cute looks and so very Rajput like mannerisms, Sr and jr AB’s raj, Rajeev Khandelwal’s histrionics in Aamir (I was so worried he was going off tv, thank god he is on the larger screen) shahid’s superb dancing and acting connecting with my joy ……..

This is some kismat connection………………..wonderful hai na…..Reminds me of Bhansali’s famous pic khamoshi’s song: Aaj main upar, aasmaan neeche, Aaj main aage (zamana) Mera dukh or depression ha peeche…………………!!!!!!!Be happy guys till next time:)

Will I be free?
The week bygone has been a week full of apprehension and tension, as days are passing I am getting so very impatient and intolerant of my physical status, I am waiting for the surgery to take place and be done with it once and for all.

Post-December the surgery was supposed to be done 6 months later, I was eagerly waiting in June, these six months have been very tough and difficult not only physically but challenging mentally and psychologically too. When I met Dr. Chandan in June he discussed with me several issues that could go wrong and right for this surgery. He suggested I take a precautionary dose of pride which would shrink the size of the uterus thereby making it easy for them to remove it and reverse the colostomy. I was so disappointed but certainly, I have to cooperate with the doctors to make it easy for them and reduce the chances of things going wrong. On June 15 I was administered a super-strong dose of fluoride, which also has some side effects as per info on the net, I had to go through this, and I knew I would.

So, the wait continues……………..two more months to go, hopefully, the pride would do its job inside and the uterus size would be reducing, the adhesions would also be shrinking, I continued going to the office.

Work suddenly became exciting and lots of it happened, I started working on very cute brand Kinder Joy a kids chocolate brand, Tictac a youth brand, Peroni an Italian beer brand…………wow all international brands I loved it.

It’s the end of July, I am counting days it’s over a month and a half, august 15 it will be exactly two months, my doctor had asked me to meet him at the end of July. I called Dr. Chandan and reminded him, he asked me if I was counting each day I told him I am counting every hour and minute too. I met him on June 30 we had a long discussion, two and a half months he said, I told him my patience was hitting rock bottom. let’s meet in the first week of August and we will decide what to do.

noooooooooooooooooo, not what to do, we will decide the date I pleaded. lets see. doc is so firm always. Nevertheless, I asked RK for good days astrologically to suit my horoscope or star, etc. Rk was leaving for the US of A for a month to conduct some fantastic havans for Sringeri Matt. just before he left he said 25/26 aug are good days. there it goes, my mind was all set, I knew it must happen on those days.

On the 4th of Aug Monday morning, I SMS doctor Chandan, u said the first week of Aug when are we meeting? he laughed, maybe Friday he replied. ok so I connect on Thursday, I sent him an SMS.

On Thursday 7th Aug, I SMS him – can I come at 10.30 am tom? a very terse reply came back – YES, ok it’s going good Usha.

On Thursday evening when I came home from office, I was so restless, tense I did not know what I should do, I was going around the house and kitchen pottering around, I could not even watch tv, I kept telling my self all will be fine, don’t get tense, common Usha just chill, finally I took my meal in hand and with Akshay and his khatron ke Khiladi girls I settled to watch some tv.
The program is so exciting I go engrossed in the stunts and time passed. I sent reiki requests to all my family in mum and Prasad Karmarkar, give the strength to hold my self.

Finally, the morn came, I got ready and headed to the hospital, I reached so early, half an hour to go I took Eckhart Tolle’s the new earth and read some wonderful zen stories and the pages I read gave me the power to stay calm.

The doctor arrived, I went into the consulting room, how have u been? fine but very tense doctor……………fine so u get admitted on the 22 and we do the surgery on 25 or 26th, since u have done all the test recently u just do some routine blood tests, we will need 4 pints of blood, so get your friends or some donors in place, we will have to prepare you for the surgery, do some steam inhalations, blow a balloon say 100 times a day or breathing exercise to keep your lungs in action…………………………….

Was I dreaming? No, it’s real, it’s on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy, that I felt I was flying.all instructions done, the downsides things that can go wrong 5% chances all heard, so we meet again next week either 12 or 13 for more he said and stood up to leave.Tears rolling down my cheek, but a smile broke on my quivering lips………………

Dear God,

Give me the strength to hold on, sustain the onslaught of allopathy, heal the slicing of the knife, shower flowers and sparks of healing on me and my heart and soul…………..

Send the angels to guard me, mother me, hold my hand through this experience, and see me shining healthy and back to normal.

Request to all my friends to be with me and hold my hand support me and send me lots of love.I will do my next post before I get admitted to the hospital……………………Cheers

15 days more to go…..

The week that went past had kept me on tenterhooks, I am now in full zoom……..happy and gung-ho…..my surgery date is fixed for Aug 25 at 7.30 am precise, am all in preparation. I am blowing balloons so that my lungs get in better shape…..steam inhalations for all the tracts to be clear of any congestions, walking so my legs are not swollen and fit, eating only chapatis and subzi to keep my tummy in condition and light, all this cool for physical preparedness, but most importantly I am very very well prepared mentally, the secret is the :My dear friend vaidy reminded me that I had not encountered the secret and told me to buy the book immediately.

What’s more, I went to crossword and bought the book pronto………

I began reading the secret that has engulfed me and my life…..stunning book, am just reeling in the effects of the secrets.

It’s just toooooo fantastic.

I have already visualized myself walking out of the hospital all fine and happening.I am feeling so energetic and upbeat it’s not funny. I spoke to Prasad Karmarkar this morning, I have been trying to reach him for so many days, this morning has been superb, and all is under control.I have told all my friends about the date and time, they will surely turn up, RK (ex-husband) day and nights I will manage with the nurses, friends will drop in and out, Kanchana will take charge of the money and bills……

GOD TUSSI GREAT HO

My request to the universe:

Please support me, hold my hand and sail me through this sea painlessly, comfortably and with joy.

My request to all my friends:

Please, pray to the power and almighty for me.

Triyambakam yajamahe, sugandhim pushtivardanam, urvarukham iva bandhanad, mrityormukshiya mamrutat.

The week went by so fast and quick, I tried to complete all the jobs on my plate to the best of my ability. Last Thursday was so very hectic and full of tension, while I was busy with work, doc calls to postpone the date, again? I did not know how to react, he said the OT at the hospital would be closed for annual maintenance!!!!!! could not have been more accurate timing, anyways we spoke for Tuesday 26, I immediately called all my friends and reiki family and told them its not 25 but 26th same time same place.

the day went on and by 3 pm doc called me again, Usha can we do it on Wed 27, u know I want to play safe with the equipment and smells and fumigation, etc. or u could check with pandit Ji for a fresh date or else wed 27 is fine for the surgeons etc. ok I will revert I said. called RK and checked 27 is a Wed and is fine for u he said, u know I was not too keen on mon25 7.30 am its Rahu kalam, he said!!!!!and Tues also was not too great for u, but then if the docs want that what can we do, so I said its fine but wed is much better and suits u fine he said. Zindabad – see god does all for our good, I called the doc and confirmed the date, 27wed 7.30 am at st Philomena’s, d ward (the room is booked). I drew the money and handed it over to Kanchana who is in charge of my hospitalization and bills.

So here is the team:

Docs: Dr. Chandan Juneja / Dr. Shridhar pandit / Dr. Suhasini gyanaec / Dr. Anindita my physician

Friends who will take care: Kanchana / RK / Shekhar (my brother) / Suma

Who will donate blood for me: Shivamurthy our IT person at office/babu ( our office security person who was so keen to give me blood as his group is also B+) / Bharath is my colleague Swarnalatas friend / and Shekhar.

Everything is set, reiki requests flying all over, support is pouring in from everyone, so many prayers, wishes, and love I am so very overwhelmed.

Thanks, universe, thank you, god, thank you to every human being who is part of my life in any which way.

Love u all

I will be admitted on Monday at the hospital, tomorrow will be a Sunday at home and I will key in my blog before I go into surgery.

Ciao

I am healed…………….. 🙂

September 9, 2008, by Ushark | Edit

To continue the saga…………..hahahaha, I got admitted in the hospital st.philomenas, one of Bangalore’s oldest hospitals, opps the Amitabh Bachchan fame too. Monday was full of tests, ECG, echo, blood tests, hemoglobin, CTBT, etc. Tuesday dawned with a liquid diet as a preparation for the surgery.

The d day is wed morning aug 27 at 7.30 am

The surgery is scheduled as follows:1 urologist to fit in some stents2. Gynac to remove the uterus and ovaries3. Gastro surgeons to remove hernia – the new and latest entrant in the body4. Gastro surgeons to mobilize and reverse the large intestine.5. They will then join the cut ends of the intestine6. Clean up and close the wound.……………..more to follow 

Am Home and recovering:

Hey, it’s almost a month since I wrote anything; Oct has been unique and truly inspiring for me.I appreciate everything that I have got and every moment I live. Life is blooming like a flower in full bloom.

My first travel to Goa:

October is that month of the year I wait for very eagerly, we have the reiki intensive transformation workshop at GOA. I was very excited and was looking forward to going to goa, not only would I meet my guru Prasad Karmarkar but would meet nearly 80+ people of my reiki family and over 40+ new members who will enter this beautiful ring of light and become part of ‘the family’.

This year the intensive was truly magical, I was barely out of my surgery but participated 100% in all the exercises and meditations. We had a wonderful surprise – Karnamrita Dasi – one of the dream singers of bhajans and kirtans came to be part of our workshop along with our dearest devotional singer Sundaram. both of them made our workshop truly spiritual and magical.The magical voices – Karnamrita Dasi and Sundaram

I came back to Bangalore fully recharged, calm, feeling very introspective and thinking of all the wonderful things that happened there.

Work is on………clients send messages of praise….once in a way:)Diwali is here, its gonna be a time with friends and family……….

On 8 March 2010:

Its woman’s day, the day reminds me of the resilience of my rising like the phoenix of my being the woman with a strong resolve. A line that sums it up for me is: JAB FAASLO SE ZYAADA HO HAUSA BULUND, TOH MANZIL KI OOOR BADH CHALE KADAM.(a brand descriptor line of the brands I work on, but just works for everyone)

SOURCE: https://withinandout.wordpress.com/2010/03/08/womans-day-jab-faaslo-se-zyaada-ho-hausla-bulundmanzil-ki-oor-badh-chale-kadam/

Hey, it’s almost a month since I wrote anything, Oct has been unique and truly inspiring for me.

I appreciate everything that I have got and every moment I live. Life is blooming like a flower in full bloom.

October is that month of the year I wait for very eagerly, we have the reiki intensive transformation workshop at GOA. I was very excited and was looking forward to going to Goa, not only would I meet my guru Prasad Karmarkar but would meet nearly 80+ people of my reiki family and over 40+ new members who will enter this beautiful ring of light and become part of ‘the family’.

This year the intensive was truly magical, I was barely out of my surgery but participated 100% in all the exercises and meditations. we had a wonderful surprise – Karnamrita Dasi – one of the dream singers of bhajans and kirtans came to be part of our workshop along with our dearest devotional singer Sundaram. Both of them made our workshop truly spiritual and magical.

I came back to Bangalore fully recharged, calm, feeling very introspective and thinking of all the wonderful things that happened there.

work is on………clients send messages of praise….once in a way:)
Diwali is here, it’s goanna be a time with friends and family……….

Source : https://withinandout.wordpress.com/2008/10/25/i-fly-like-a-bird/

The week that went past had kept me on tenterhooks, I am now in full zoom……..happy and gungho…..my surgery date is fixed for Aug 25 at 7.30 am precise, am all in preparation. I am blowing balloons so that my lungs get in better shape…..steam inhalations for all the tracts to be clear of any congestions, walking so my legs are not swollen and fit, eating only chapatis and subzi to keep my tummy in condition and light, all this cool for physical preparedness, but most importantly I am very very well prepared mentally, the secret is the:

My dear friend Vaidy reminded me that I had not encountered the secret and told me to buy the book immediately.

What’s more I went to crossword and bought the book pronto………

I began reading the secret that has engulfed me and my life…..stunning book, am just reeling in the effects of the secrets.

It’s just toooooo fantastic.

I have already visualized myself walking out of the hospital all fine and happening.
I am feeling so energetic and upbeat it’s not funny. I spoke to Prasad Karmarkar this morning, I have been trying to reach him for so many days, this morning has been superb, and all is under control.

have told all my friends about the date and time, they will surely turn up, RK (ex-husband) and Gopal old friend will be there at the hospital, Gopal will stay with me during the day, nights I will manage with the nurses, friends will drop in and out, Kanchana will take charge of the money and bills……

GOD TUSSI GREAT HO

My request to the universe:

Please support me, hold my hand and sail me through this sea painlessly, comfortably and with joy.

My request to all my friends:

Please, pray to the power and almighty for me.

Triyambakam yajamahe, sugandhim pushtivardanam, urvarukham iva bandhanad, mrityormukshiya mammritat.

Source : https://withinandout.wordpress.com/2008/08/18/how-the-secret-came-to-meand-its-bang-on-time/

The week bygone has been a week full of apprehension and tension, as days are passing I am getting so very impatient and intolerant of my physical status, I am waiting for the surgery to take place and be done with it once and for all.

Post-December the surgery was supposed to be done 6 months later, I was eagerly waiting in June, these six months have been very tough and difficult not only physically but challenging mentally and psychologically too. When I met Dr. Chandan in June he discussed with me many issues that could go wrong and right for this surgery. He suggested I take a precautionary dose of pride which would shrink the size of the uterus thereby making it easy for them to remove it and reverse the colostomy. I was so disappointed but certainly, I have to cooperate with the doctors to make it easy for them and reduce the chances of things going wrong. On June 15 I was administered a strong dose of pride, which also has some side effects as per info on the net, I had to go through this, and I knew I would.

So, the wait continues……………..two more months to go, hopefully, the pride would do its job inside and the uterus size would be reducing, the adhesions would also be shrinking, I continued going to the office.

Work suddenly became exciting and lots of it happened, I started working on a very cute brand Kinder Joy a kids chocolate brand, tic-tac a youth brand, Peroni an Italian beer brand…………wow all international brands I loved it.

It’s the end of July, I am counting days it’s over a month and a half, august 15 it will be exactly two months, My doctor had asked me to meet at his end of July. I called Dr. Chandan and reminded him, he asked me if I was counting each day I told him I am counting every hour and minute too. I met him on June 30 we had a long discussion, two and a half months he said, I told him my patience was hitting rock bottom. Let’s meet in the first week of August and we will decide what to do.
No, not what to do, we will decide the date I pleaded. Let’s see. Doc is so firm always. Nevertheless, I asked RK for good days astrologically to suit my horoscope or star, etc. Rk was leaving for the US of A for a month to conduct some fantastic haven’s for Sringeri Matt. just before he left he said 25/26 Aug. are good days. there it goes, my mind was all set, I knew it must happen on those days.

On the 4th of Aug. Monday morning, I SMS doctor Chandan, u said the first week of Aug. when are we meeting? He laughed, may be Friday he replied. Ok so I connect on Thursday, I sent him an SMS.On Thursday 7th Aug, I SMS him – can I come at 10.30 am tom? a very terse reply came back – YES, ok it’s going good Usha.

On Thursday evening when I came home from office, I was so restless, tense it did not know what I should do, I was going around the house and kitchen pottering around, I could not even watch tv, I kept telling myself all will be fine, don’t get tense, common Usha just chill, finally I took my meal in hand and with Akshay and his khatron_ke_khiladi girls I settled to watch some tv. the program is so exciting I go engrossed in the stunts and time passed. I send reiki requests to all my family in mum and Prasad Karmarkar, given the strength to hold myself.

Finally, the morn came, I got ready and headed to the hospital, I reached so early, half an hour to go I took Eckhart Tolle’s the new earth and read some wonderful Zen stories and the pages I read gave me the power to stay calm.

The doctor arrived, I went into the consulting room, how have u been? fine but very tense doctor…………… fine so u get admitted on the 22 and we do the surgery on 25 or 26th, since u have done all the test recently u just do some routine blood tests, we will need 4 pints of blood, so get yourr friends or some donors in place, we will have to prepare u for the surgery, do some steam inhalations, blow a balloon say 100 times a day or breathing exercise to keep ur lungs in action…………………………….
Was I dreaming? No, it’s real, it’s on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy, that I felt I was flying.

all instructions done, the downsides things that can go wrong 5% chances all heard, so we meet again next week either 12 or 13 for more he said and stood up to leave.
Tears rolling down my cheek, but a smile broke on my quivering lips………………

Dear God,

Give me strength to hold on, sustain the onslaught of allopathy, heal the slicing of the knife, shower flowers and sparks of healing on me and my heart and soul…………..send the angels to guard me, mother me, hold my hand through this experience, and see me shining healthy and back to normal. Request to all my friends to be with me and hold my hand support me and send me lots of love.

Source : https://withinandout.wordpress.com/2008/07/12/how-i-moved-on/

Hey guys i don’t want to put off anyone with this title of mine…….my guru is different, he is a guru yet not like the guru you would imagine, like the ones with either white or orange robes, long gray or near to gray tresses, beards and rudraksha malas around his neck, age on the other side of 50’s, with that very somber and religious look which is extremely patronizing at times………..and mostly just returned from a Kashi or Banaras or rather Himalayas.

My guru is just not all of this…………..

He does not wear robes in orange or white but wears jeans and tees sometimes shorts or tracks with a half-sleeved shirt, he wears his hair short and yes they are very black – also no beard black or white:), he never looks benign and patronizing in that sense, he is extremely hip and happening, he speaks wonderful English and is educated to design buildings and houses…..JJ school I think, any time we ask he might have just returned from a trip to Germany or US, he loves rock music and sings so fantastically and oh! in fact he is the super dancer too – he is the rock star ! And he is not on the other side of 50 – he is just on the threshold of the early ’30s.
Don’t believe me do you? Meet my Guru Prasad Karmarkar………..

Prasad Karmarkar

He is something I thank god for every day and minute of my life. He always there with me and uncannily always calls just when I think of asking him something. most of my turbulent times have been one easy swim bcoz of his support. The large family that comes with him has also become my large family, I have so many people around me, all of them caring, loving, thoughtful, ready to support any time anywhere anyway……there is so much support you have only to extend one little finger, I mean on the mobile phone…are SMS yaar, help and support pours over you like huge showers of flowers from a lovely rainbow……

The most striking contribution that Prasad Karmarkar is making to our society and all of us is – at a time when the younger generation is losing out on many important values that we have heard of or learned from our parents, values, and traditions that need to be seen, understood and kept in our lives in the modern context of today, are being inculcated and PRACTISED in the transformation endeavors that this young man has taken on his slim shoulders. This, of course, is only one tiny aspect of his work. There are tons and tons that he is doing to so many people and their lives…….Great superb work…….

Love you Prasad Karmarkar and I am with you forever in all this.

Here is a short poem for my teacher……….Prasad Karmarkar

I was in the deep seas of turbulence….

The seas that engulfed me for many a year…..

Joys and happiness were but rare visitors,

It was a kingdom ruled by a king called the mind,I felt myself drowning in these high waves

II lifted my hand for help, the waters were high and only my fingers were above…..

The sinking was I? Till suddenly my little finger was held!!and the strength of the holder pulled me instantly and miraculously!!!!!!!!!!!!he is my savior………..my guru…………………..

Source : https://withinandout.wordpress.com/2008/07/24/an-ode-to-my-guru/

Hi every one,
Like they say life must go on, I had to accept the situation and live. Live not a morose and sad life but thank god for giving this life back to me and be a happy and evolved person.

I set a target for myself self I had to get back to work, accept this physical condition and cope with it.

I had all the support I needed, all my reiki friends and group were constantly supporting me, my reiki master Prasad Karmarkar was is and will be forever the strongest support of my life. He has taken me through all this so smoothly, I couldn’t have done it without him and the entire reiki group.

Oh, my dearest friend Abhijit…….he stood by me too.

And can I ever forget the rock-like support from Kanchana my soul mate and RK my ex-husband?

Every friend of mine Suma/Mangala/Narsimhan/Jaya/Vani/Aru all of them were there for me, while one would send me juice the other would send me food, someone sent me books to read, they all came by in turns and sat with me at the hospital and home.

Of course, my messiahs Dr. Anindita and Dr. Chandan.

All these people were my messengers of god.

Love you all

While support from my contacts was huge, the company I worked for stepped in and amply took care of me financially and mentally. Ravi gave me the support of a job that waited for me. Starcom held my hand constantly. My respects to you guys.

All this happened in Jan and Feb 08. I had decided I will start working in march…….my docs asked me if I would be able to, I had not even stepped out of my house as yet, I will do that soon …..

Within a week I went down in my apartment garden for short walks, was a tough cookie to crack. it felt like the whole world was going round and I felt giddy. my aunt helped me and both of us walked like little kids who had just learned to walk:)
March 1st was a Saturday, I had to start work on Monday…….my wounds had not healed completely, my whole abdomen was full of plasters and dressing, how could i go to office, what if the dressing gave trouble, what if the intestinal bag gave trouble, how would i manage all this, what should i wear? I could not wear the clothes I used earlier, I needed something loose on the abdomen. oh god! I did not think about this one at all…….

Quick Usha comes on be creative and think of some options, I just hopped into the car and went to fab India, picked up some fabulous, bright-colored skirts, some nice tops and there I was all set to go to the office.

The plasters and dressing and bag and all of that will behave, I requested for reiki from everyone.

I spoke to kanchana on Sunday and asked her if I should postpone my joining to a week later, she was furious, NO u must go tomorrow to work, even if it is for a couple of hours. Fine, I will go I decided.

MARCH 3 – 8.30 AM I left home in the comforts of my honda city. I was fully equipped, a kit bag full of cotton, plasters, tapes, Neutrogena hand wash, and so many things…….food that I could digest easily……biscuits/dryfruits/apple/I was not only equipped I was virtually armed.

Guys I MADE IT………..I HUNG ON TILL 4 PM.

Everything behaved and I was fine.

I started working full time from Wednesday the same week!!!!!!!!!!!

I loved myself and everyone around me……. I loved starcom……i loved Reiki Teacher Prasad Karmarkar…………… I just love!

The Journey from here on…………………..will follow

Source : https://withinandout.wordpress.com/2008/08/09/a-week-of-apprehension-and-tension/